A Tragical Macbeth Parody
by penandpaperx
Summary: What if the Tragedy of Shakespeare’s Macbeth took place in a modern day Connecticut High School? This is what this parody explores. It started out as a short skit my friend and I wrote for English class. Reviews make the world go round.It is really funny.
1. Character List

**A Tragical Macbeth Parody**

**What if the Tragedy of Shakespeare's Macbeth took place in a modern day Connecticut High School? This is what this parody explores. It started out as a short skit my friend and I wrote for English class. Here I have expanded it into so much more. Sorry if anyone is at all offended. Also it helps to have read the original play. By the way, I do know that "tragical" is not a word, but if Shakespeare could make them up why not me?**

**Disclaimer: Shakespeare died in 1616, obviously I'm not him. Don't sue. **

"**It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." – William Shakespeare**

**Well except for the idiot part that's pretty much true. I was just having fun turning Scottish nobility into American Teachers. It doesn't mean anything.**

**Names have been changed to protect (mostly) innocent teachers.**

**CAST LIST (in order of appearance)**

"Bitchy" Student Writer 1 – Witch 1

"Bitchy" Student Writer 2 – Witch 2

"Bitchy" Student Writer 3 – Witch 3

Mr. Rex (English Teacher) – Macbeth

Mr. Notluf (History Teacher) – Banquo

Dr. Digs (Principal) – King Duncan

Dr. K (English Teacher) – Macduff

Melinda (Vice Principal) – Lady Macbeth

Secretary 1 – Donalbain

Secretary 2 - Malcom


	2. Act 1

**ACT 1**

**Scene 1: Fair and Foul Hurly Burly - Newspaper Room **

Bitchy student writer 1: There! We finished our article!

BSW 2: When should we give it to Mr. Rex?

BSW 3: When the hurly burly's done!

BSW 2: What are you talking about?

BSW 3: I dunno, I read it in a book somewhere.

BSW 1: Let's print it out and give it to him tomorrow.

BSW 2: Cool. I love predicting the future, it sooo foul!

BSW 3: Yet so, so fair and so, so fun.

**Scene 2: Sentence Fragments and** **Paranoid Schizophrenia - Hallway**

Rex: Nice day, but the students have been acting especially evil, haven't they?

Notluf: Yup Rex. Something unnatural is up. I saw a football player help a mathelete girl with her books.

Rex: Didn't most of them actually pass their classes this quarter.

Notluf: I even had to give some of those jocks "Bs"

Rex: Wow, buddy you're getting soft."

Enter students

BSW 2: Mr. Rex, our paper article is done!

Rex: Lemme read it.

Reads article, with Notluf reading over shoulder

Rex: Teacher Rex becomes head of English Department, and Principal thereafter!

Notluf: Lesser but greater! Not so happy yet much happier! Hey, these are all improper sentences! What is this featurette about anyway?

BSW 1: Why you of course. Angelic smile

Rex: to students You can't honestly expect us to believe what a couple of punk students wrote. I know you are trying to write a couple of issues ahead, but seriously.

BSW 3: We gotta go!

BSW 1: Can you write us a pass?

Rexford writes pass

Students laugh diabolically

Exit students

Enter principal

Rex: Dr. Digs

Principal: I just fired Anne Hathaway for questioning my authority. Rex, you'll be the new English Department Head. I especially liked your budget report we'll save so much money, but you still won't get a pay increase.

Exit principal

Rex: Wow, those kids were right! Maybe I'm supposed to become Principal! If I could only get rid of my colleague Digs I could rule this High School with greatness. Ultimate Power! Mwahahaha. My Vice Principal love interest would be so pleased.

Notluf: under breath Can you say paranoid schizophrenia.

Enter Dr. K

Dr. K: I think I'm going to become the new English Department head. I've got a real good feeling about it and I just wrote that amazing budget report for the principal!

Notluf: cough cough Uh, Dr. K, Mr. Rex just got promoted.

Dr. K: I hate my life, I never get any credit.

Exit Dr. K

Rex: Maybe I should become Principal! The students seemed to want me to. You want in?

Notluf: Well, alright, but I'm not helping you, because I'm only loyal to myself.

**Scene 3: A Politically Correct Staple Gun - Staff Lounge**

Vice Principal: Hello, Mr. Rex.

Rex: Oh, it's nice to see you, Vice Principal.

VP: How many times do I have to tell you to call me Melinda?

Rex: Okay Mellie. I have a plan to kill Dr. Digs and become the new Principal. You want in?

VP: Good, I hate him. What's in it for me?

Rex: You can date the most influential person in the school.

VP: Well, I'll think about it, you do know how much I love power.

Rex: I'll raise your salary.

VP: Deal. Here, you can use my staple gun.

Rex: I dunno. This sounds a little dangerous, don't you think? I'm pretty sure it's a crime. I mean staples, they're so messy.

VP: Well, don't be gay about it!

Rex: I believe the politically correct term is homosexual.

VP: Whatever, I'll be in my office. When the bell rings, you have passing time to kill him. Everyone will be busy, dozens of dazed teachers with the coffee machines whirring and hundreds of locker slamming students. It's perfect.

Rex: But, that's only five minutes.

VP: Hey, if five minutes is enough time to get from the four building to the nine building, it's enough time to kill a guy.

Rex: But five minutes isn't enough time to get from the four-

VP: Did I tell you to talk? Now, go.


	3. Act 2

**ACT 2**

**Scene 1: I Swear I Saw… - School Parking Lot**

VP: You did it?

Rex:nods

VP: What's the problem then?

Rex: I swear I saw a floating staple gun. It was just leading me into _his _office.

VP: They have medication for that you know.

Rex: I feel so guilty. I couldn't even give that pop quiz to my students today. I couldn't even fall asleep during that insipid lecture on deodorant and hygiene the nurses gave. Here take it. Thrusts bloody staple gun into Melinda's hands I couldn't put it back.

VP: I'll do it. We wouldn't want to arouse suspicions, now would we.

Melinda exits

Rex: I'm pale as the school mac-and-cheese from the cafeteria. I keep hearing the pledge of allegiance they played over the P.A. system again and again. I may never be right again.

Enter Melinda

VP: Here. Have a little drink; it will make you feel better. One sip and all of your problems are gone.

Takes a swig from flask

Hands flask to Rex

Rex: All the alcohol in the world couldn't cure me of this.

VP: We have to be at the meeting in an hour. Don't forget. I'm so ashamed of you. Suck it up and I mean that flask too.

**Scene 2: Missing the OC - Staff Meeting**

VP: I better not miss the OC for this stupid staff meeting.

Notluf: Hey, Dr. K, will you go get Dr. Digs? I'm missing the OC, too.

Dr. K exits

Awkward silence, odd humming, etc

Re-enter Dr. K

Dr. K: Oh my God, he's dead! Murder points, murder points.

Rex: Oh my God, who will be the new Principal?!?

VP: Hey, I think Mr. Rex will raise my sala… I mean, I think Mr. Rexford would make a good new Principal.

Notluf: All right, we'll have a board meeting to announce the new Principal.

VP: Not another meeting!

Dr. K: This is horrible! What evil could have done this ominous deed.

**Scene 3: To Fairfield I – Secretarial Office**

Secretaries were listening in to the conversation of 2.2

Secretary 1: You don't think we'll be blamed for this, do you?

Secretary 2: Maybe we should go to different schools, to avoid suspicion. I'll go to Greenwich.

S1: To Fairfield I. Our separated fortunes will keep us both the safer.

Exit secretaries


End file.
